(Do you understand why in the end I flipped the switch on PLAYER's 'seconds-never-show' immunity?
PLAYER replies NO)
When you keep creating seconds and allowing others to believe you aren't a second, you are taking from them a finite vigour and enthusiasm and energy for helping the young (as opposed to, for instance, just furthering their own persona)... not by making and playing the second, that part is FINE, but by the developed second with friendships made and time used and equipment bestowed - suddenly vanishing without reason.
You make those who helped Grymm or Tyrr or Aetherius or whoever question 'what did I do wrong?' or 'is it worth helping them if even those who seem SO enthusiastic and into it, they just vanish as if it all meant nothing'...
[PLAYER: I too have been on the end of many characters who have left the realm without notice. I see it now, the feeling of so much wasted effort."]
In the case of those who leave genuinely it's different. They didn't end up liking it, they got beaten around and fled, whatever - it's their right and we can't please all the people all the time.
In your case, though, you're not actually doing that. You're letting people spend hours teaching you things you already know. You're letting them believe they're making a friend when in fact you know it won't last. There's something slightly dishonest about it.
I know your motives were NOT dishonest and you acted only for your own best interests and sincerely so. It's not about trying to deceive others deliberately.
But in the end, that said, it's not fair or being kind/considerate to those players who devote those hours (and enthusiasm and care) nurturing this apparently promising new player who isn't actually new and is 100% not going to last in that name/role.
[PLAYER "Indeed, I have been a drain on them... I always thought the next one I made was the last. That is why I chose to return to PLAYER, so much invested and yet so much future left."]
It's not a drain on them. That's not the way to see it - as if those who help younger players are keeping an account of how much 'friendly' they are going to give. People who do it like helping the young and developing promising talent and making friends and all those things.
It is never a chore until things stack up to make it seem either pointless or thankless. The not-a-word-explained vanishing of somebody who seemed like a possible new friend with potential, for whom one has given dozens of hours genuine care (teaching, equipping, explaining, taking questing, etc) - this is a gut punch and if it happens enough the kind teacher WILL feel it pointless and thankless and won't do it any more.
[PLAYER: loved the realm but hated the trap the PLAYER fell into. From there is was one fresh start after another. A mistake for sure. I was too absorbed in myself that I didn't see how my actions were hurting the realm and that is the last thing I wish to do."]
Don't get me wrong here. This is not about you being PLAYER only or not. If you were playing Gavin on Monday, Tyrr on Tuesday, Grymm on Wednesday, Aetherius Thursday, Aeon Friday, Fausten Saturday and PLAYER Sunday, all separately, independently, sticking to HELP SECONDS, then there wouldn't be anything to comment on. It'd be a bit weird but hey, it's your prerogative. There'd be no question of 'abuse of hospitality and host(s)'...
When it becomes a case of take much, promise plenty, then abandon without explanation... it's kinda taking advantage of those who're most friendly and most disingenuous; then handing back a 'see how little your effort was worth' as your second vanishes into thin air with no sign it was coming and no word of explanation or goodbye.
Doesn't take long for that to dent a guide's self-confidence or for the losses to mount up and turn young player mentoring somewhat sour.
We know it happens anyway, with regular new players who just decide Avalon isn't for them and vanish without the courtesy of saying goodbye. It's par for the course with the net; switch on switch off people = for my convenience only and not real so not worth giving common courtesy. And hey, that's fine, this IS just a game after all. Those who come and try and go: they're OK, they're looking for their niche, Avalon wasn't it, fair enough.
But with seconds who're played secretly without any intention of being progressed into proper long-term characters - when you're sitting there watching some guide try to tell you about some facet of Avalon or tutor you through a badge and you give the occasional nod because you know it already, you're making a coffee while they finish their spiel - it's different. This is why I say it's a bit dishonest. I was surprised you didn't see it.
This, anyway, is why I took off PLAYER's "secretseconds" boon - without it revealing who you were / are when mortals type SECONDS - just that it WAS a second they were dealing with. No intention to make rules for you, no restrictions on you making seconds - that's your free choice too. What I did was solely to safeguard those your discarded characters left behind, bemused and potentially eroded by that "was it my fault?" or "wow, if that guy dropped out, how can I tell if anyone is actually gonna mature into a long-term player?"
[PLAYER: I am surprised as well, but I realize I don't need to be locked into this role."]
Well good. I'm going over this also so you don't think I have some plan for you or any expectations of you must do this, you must not do that. Quite the contrary. No rules, no expectation. I just felt the time had come to do the right thing by the other players and therefore in a small way for the realm as a whole. If there's also a hint for you to think which character do you prefer, which should you settle on, then fine. But that's your affair.
I'm a bit surprised you chose PLAYER so soon actually {it made me concerned you were misinterpreting things as a godly command to PLAYER-or-else.}
[PLAYER: "You do work in interesting ways Lord, I'll give you that. Yet, you've been doing this for awhile, so I should really expect nothing less."]
[PLAYER: "I doubt there is a good way to make reparations for my actions to all those that I deceived, but if you can think of a way, please let me know."]
I don't think there's need for any censure or reparations, and even 'deceived' is a harsh word here. I said I felt it was SLIGHTLY dishonest. Not deliberately. I don't think you acted out of bad motives or intending to abuse anyone's hospitality.
I put it down to just not really thinking about it from that angle. So far as I'm concerned I want you to understand where it was bad for others and for Avalon re: making a string of seconds without a future, absorbing guide vigour and then giving less than nothing in return... but also that I don't at all think you did it to cause hurt and all in all, this is not a huge thing and we don't need to speak of it further... and there are NO obligations or hidden rules PLAYER has to follow. You're free as a bird.
[PLAYER: "*Nod*, my lesson is learned and my stint of alts is at an end."]
[PLAYER: I've had enough of seconds for now, if I want to explore something new, I'll do it as myself, for now it's good to be back as this avatar again."]
OK. But don't beat yourself up unnecessarily either. Those characters exist. There's no reason not to use them if you feel so inclined. There is no big censure here. Nobody's angry with you. I hope it's all clear now anyway...
