I've tried to humour you as I do with most delusional strumpets. But it appears I have to point out to you the glaringly obvious. Perhaps if there were others in your guild they might have been able to take you aside and have a quiet word with you.

Why would I not kill your steeds? If you're so dumb as to leave them at our city walls when you are a personal enemy of our city and my guild? I didn't go hunting the poor things, you were thoughtless enough to abandon them on a frequently used thoroughfare. I did grant them a swift death and offered them to the divine so that, unlike yourself, they could make a positive contribution to some aspect of the land.

Correct me if I'm mistaken, but surely your unicorn will have been reborn by now? And as for your eagle, well, I'm sure you MUST be able to afford another one? You can't be that poor can you? Perhaps I can loan you a young Paladin to show you some simple ways to gain coin?

You are correct that I do not possess an unicorn myself, and I very rarely ride eagles. I prefer spiritual chariots when I wish a panoramic view of the land, and find eagles to be cantancerous things. I think perhaps the reason this is such a mortal blow to you is that you have forgotten how to walk? It's great exercise and really dearest, you should take better care of yourself. Try a few hours of walking a day and in your case I'd also recommend the salads for a while. If you've forgotten how to figh

t without your mounts to help you and to allow you your patented series of aloof triggers then shame on you!

Stripping me? Yes, yes, but enough of your fantasies.

armsmash zwartia to your opinions on my guild and myself. Who are you again? I've not heard the bards sing of any of your great deeds and aside from yourself I couldn't name another member of your guild. All of the senior members of our guild can challenge me at any time, but they don't. Perhaps they know something you don't? Perhaps they know lots of things you don't?

And I see already you are struggling with yourself on what conditions you would place on joining us in our guild? I'm sure you'll work through those in the privacy of your own head. The voices will help you.+

While you do so, I will remain ever vigilante. Especially at the end of a hard week when I'm sipping a glass of golden whiskey in the Wheatsheaf. I'll keep an eye out for sweet Blunty tanked up on pints of Cider and Tizer with a gleam in her eyes and dribble at the corner of her mouth looking to hand out some sweet lurving.

I would urge every other member of the land who reads this warning to pass it on to all others. From the ranting I hear, Blunty is coming into season and should be avoided at all costs. I will be accepting donations for the Mount Blunty Charity appeal. Damn. Unfortunate name. It's for steeds I can assure you. Though if we can get enough money I might slip a few coins in Yazghar's direction and ask him to service the wench.

Clansman Grymauch, Paladin of Springdale, Ardently Stalked by Amorous Blunty

Written by my hand on the 30th of Springflower, in the year 1127.